I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
