oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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