Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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