Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
