Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i out mim tonsoeep
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