Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
