does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
