So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
