I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
