Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
