I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
