actually, I'm a sock model
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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