Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
