Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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