She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
