I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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