I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
