I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
