my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
