That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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