I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
