I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize