Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
