Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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