But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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