sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
