id be glad to
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
