Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
