Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
