My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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