Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
