i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
