I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
