you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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