You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
