Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
