I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Less talking, more tequila
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize