people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize