theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
