I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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