What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
