it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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