this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
