Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it's great music for shaving your balls
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
