ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
