can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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