Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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