so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
