So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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