bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
