Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
