I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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