Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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