i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
