he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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