I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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