they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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