I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
