I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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