and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
