Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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