no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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