My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
