I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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