Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
