Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize