my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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