I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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